Martin is here

You mean you have an encylopedic memory of your brother's porn collection?

You can't write that.

You're just one of the hypocrites? Haiyoh! I used to admire you so much.

It's a Piscean trait.

And I said it sounds fishy to me.

OMG... this blog is losing its meaning.

I almost killed Martin

It was quiet in Basement 3. I was in my car and right in front of me was Martin. There was no one else around. Recipe for the perfect murder? I thought so too.

I stepped on the accelerator and drove straight in his direction.

But then I had a change of heart. I had just washed my car and didn't feel like getting any dirt on it.

The end.

p/s: Please don't use this blog post against me in the court of law. I have and will not ever commit murder. I'm a nice person...seriously. Blood freaks me out.

Ian got a haircut and we all laughed at it

Well, I didn't laugh lah. Nasa did.

Anyway, I think it has grown since then.....

Someone had a party and we decided to show up..

I don't wanna tell you whose birthday party it was...but we were all there. By we, I mean the losers who had nothing better to do than to show up and eat free food.

Eh, no wait...we were actually there to support Daryl who finally got recognition for all his hard work in the past 100 years with the company. He got a house, a Ferrari, two ponies and a magic carpet.

Daryl wore a pink tutu and looked every inch the princess that he is....errmm...I'm confused...maybe it was Eduwingyelsdis?

Here are some of the losers:


That's Eduwingyelsdis and Nelsen.

And here is Leong. The guy Nelsen left to be with Eduwingyelsdis. Nelsen tried to apologise for his stupid move by offering cotton candy....but Leong didn't want any of it. He wanted one of Daryl's ponies.

Oh, and here is a replica of the statue Nelsen made for Eduwingyelsdis. It is of Eduwingyelsdis touching himself inappropriately.

That's all.

Princess Eduwingyelsdis

This is his Bible. He reads it (actually, he gets Nelsen to read it to him) every night before bedtime.

Eduwingyelsdis is a princess....and now with proof.

Anyway, I'm not at work...

So yeah...I'm updating this blog from home. My mother asked me why is it that I'm always home and if I was fired from work.

Most hated question...

You know...the one question that I hear on almost a daily (wait, let's make that hourly) basis is: "When are you updating your blog?"

OMG...people (and by people I mean Jastin Bibir)...don't you have like other things to do....like work?

Apahal asyik nak baca blog aku je ni? First of all, it's not even that interesting (don't tell Martin I said that...although I know that he's reading this right now).

Secondly, even I also don't want to baca this blog, let alone update it. Kan I told you already...my boss marah...she said I cannot update this blog during working hours. Besides that...I'm so very the busy.

Anyway, I also understand lah, that you people have very limited entertainment in your lives. How many times can you look at Martin's face and laugh right?

It's funny the first 100 times...but after that, it's just another face...kan?

Therefore, I have decided to update this blog...and also to shut Jastin Bibir up. So yeah...hope you're happy.

I'm still waiting...

Karr Wei and Christina are taking forever to go for lunch.

I was just sitting there (doing my work) when Karr Wei called me out for lunch. Now that I'm here (I've been here for the past 30 minutes) they are still not done with whatever it is that they're doing.

Christina, the resident lembab girl....is taking forever to do something. When I ask her if we're good to go, she said "Yup...but no one's moving."

Karr Wei just stood up abruptly. Now she's fiddling with her phone. Christina is looking at me.

Oh, I'm holding them up now.

Gotta go.

Martin is wearing a shirt...

Like a real proper shirt.

With buttons.

Not a t-shirt...but like a real shirt, shirt. What's up with that?

Apparently he had to meet a President who was like 70in taller than him and people had to squat or kneel in front of him if they wanted to talk to him.

But the President didn't feel like squatting because he wanted to stand and show off just how tall he was. Or something like that.

Jaya just asked me how to spell boobies. I replied, "B-O-O-B-I-E-S."

And Martin left his back pack at the embassy and he was scared that the people there would call the bombsquad or something...yeah, I think they'll call a squad to get rid of that bag alright. Have you seen it before? It's hideous...I asked Martin how to spell hideous...and he typed my name on Google.

Martin just Googled my name! And it's like number one on the page...wow. I'm famous!

Now Martin is typing something on his ancient phone....yeah, the kind Alex Bell used back in his days.

Christina is busy doing work. She's on my left. Martin is on my right and on his right is Jaya.

Ing Yeen and Jade are talking about satay...or something that rhymes with satay. Jade just said.."Lepak sikit la.."

Xin Yi looks super stressed.

Oh, I forgot. I asked Martin which Disney cartoon he loves the most. He said Aladdin...

I asked Martin what he had for lunch. He's quiet now...still quiet...still quiet....

Jaya answered: "He had rice with lots of curry in it."

Martin just looked exasperated. He's glaring at Jaya now.

"What? You looked at me...," protested Jaya.

"I'm trying to find a way to stop this...," said Martin.

"You can kill her," Jaya suggested.

Okay...I need to leave before somebody kills me. Bye!

p/s: Ooh...just found out that Martin wanted a Hammer and Sickle tattoo when he was younger...but now that he's older and his skin is saggy....the tattoo artist won't do it. Oh, apparently, he's not getting it is because he's too hairy..and there's no area on his body that he can shave and have that tattoo. Gorilla.

New look..

Amacam? Okay tak..?

I am in SHOCK!

I can't believe that there is a negative side to the man whom I thought had no flaws (except for his birth and existence).

I just heard Martin say a very nasty thing about his ex-boyfriend..

Fazleena just interrupted me! She looked at the title and read it aloud and I had a bit of a drama moment where I slammed the mouse and declared that I don't want to blog anymore.

Martin looked at her and said "Could Michelangelo (I stopped to ask Fazleena how to spell Michelangelo, and she in turn asked me to ask Martin).

"Martin, is this how you spell Michelangelo M-I-C-H-E-L-A-N-G-E-L-O?," I asked.

"If I helped you it'd would imply tacit approval of ...(something about me writing my blog)," he replied pompously. Babi lu.

Ermm...where was I...yeah "Could Michelangelo create masterpieces with people staring at his work? Could a dog pee on a fire hydrant with people looking at it?" said Martin to Fazleena.

So yeah. I'm back. Fazleena just left and Martin is on the phone with someone...he has a very bored expression on his face (well, he usually does...coz he's a boring person, right?)

Anyway...back to the first thing that I was talking about..I was shocked to hear Martin say some nasty things about this dude (who I think he had a crush on but was rejected. I'm not surprised...I mean..have you seen Martin before?)

He sounded extremely bitter and said a few harsh things about this guy...tsk, tsk!

Wow, you think you know a person and they just turn out to be even worse than what you originally thought of them. Haih...

Well, it's a good thing I never thought much about Martin.

Loser.

Are you ready to die....

And go to burger heaven?

If you answered yes...then you so totally must try the Matterhorn (I asked Christina how to spell it. Is it M-A-T-T-E-R-H-O-R-N? She just looked confused and said "Yah, I think so.)

Anyway, this Matterhorn is a bad ass 3kg burger that can be found exclusively at Eurodeli (that's where I first met B*boy!)

I've been trying to get Mel and Ian and the rest of the gang to participate in the Matterhorn challenge...where you have to eat the huge ass burger in under 45mins.

Mel is confident that she's able to finish it, but she's a little shy to be forever known as 'the girl who finished it'. So, we'll leave it at that.

When I asked Daryl if he wanted to try it...he chickened out by saying "I am a vegetarian." He is not. Lame.

I asked Ian..he said something. I forgot.

So yes, anyway...I finally had the chance to see people try the Matterhorn and live to talk about it. Siapa you tanya? Nelsen, Eduwingyelsdis (he's a ding dong...I don't feel like typing his name properly), Karr Wei, Christina and Sia.

Check this bad boy out. Sorry for the poor quality image...you're not special...so I didn't feel like taking a proper picture. Deal with it.



Besar giler babi kan?

Everybody was malu-malu kucing konon to try out the burger. Dah ada kat depan mata...makan je lah.

Eduwingyelsdis and Karr Wei nak bermanja-manja pulak, sharing the burger la, cut into small pieces la..sekeh kepala tu kang, baru tau. But Karr Wei makan the pickles je. The other guy, apa nama, Eduwingyelsdis...he just played around with it.

Ni la muka si Eduwingyelsdis yg tak berapa hensem itu:



The only person who took up the challenge and ate a quarter of the burger all by himself was Nelsen (who was a bit kampung and asked for chilli sauce. Actually, I pun kampung jugak. I asked for the chilli sauce first). Slowly but surely, Nelsen anihilated his portion.

Wanna see his face? Not Brad Pitt level la...but better than Eduwingyelsdis for sure.



*Aiyah..this blog post is getting a bit too long. I'm starting to feel lazy already. Let me take a pee break k. See you in a bit.*


*Okay, I'm back. Let's wrap up this damn post. Anyway, Christina just asked if I wanted a wine or beer drinking session. Dua-dua pun aku tak minat. So, I tak kisah. Anywhere also can.*

So yeah..after we finished eating half of the Matterhorn, I thought that it'd be a great idea to show off my colouring skills to others. B*boy..who is like the nicest person on earth...asked his staff to bring colour pencils for us and even moderated the contest.



But unfortunately he's a moderator kayu because he let Karr Wei take more than one colour pencil at a time (hello, I need to use the colour pencils as well!)and was extremely lenient with contestants who broke competition rules (like shaking the table, etc). Haih, need to get a professional judge next time.

Anyway, I...the artistic one...knew that I was going to win the contest even from the start but I was very modest about it. I didn't want to discourage the rest of them from doing their best even though they were up against a world-class colour-er.

To be totally fair, B*boy got one of his staff members to choose the winning entry. I signalled the nice lady to choose Karr Wei's entry (because honestly, it was ugly and I'm a gracious person and I wanted Karr Wei to feel special.)

So she chose Karr Wei's. I congratulated her...but the rest of the patrons in the restaurant protested. Some threw chairs and even broke into tears at the unfairness. They knew who the real winner was. It was me. I knew it too, but I just kept quiet.

B*boy then got another of his staff member to pick the winner...and she chose me. I couldn't say anything. If they want me to be the winner...what can I say right?

Here's my entry:




Here's Karr Wei's entry:



Buruk kan? But don't tell her...she'll merajuk.

p/s: Eduwingyelsdis didn't join the colouring contest. He doesn't know how to use colour pencils.

Okay, I'm tired already. Bye all.

OMG..I'm back.

Hey all...it's been a long time since I last updated this blog right? I'm sure you guys have TOTALLY missed me.

Well, I'm pretty sure Martin misses me. Right Martin? I know you're reading this blog right now...so stop pretending as if you don't know it exists.

OMG! I have to tell you something. I have a fan who loves (okay, maybe love is a strong word here...but we'll just go with it, k?) this blog, and no...he is not imaginary.

This dude B*boy (yoo hoo! See, I'm mentioning you. You're famous!)thinks that this is the best blog in the world and that I should be awarded for it or something. He also said that he's never been more entertained by a writer who not only captures the essence of journalism, but also presents it in a laid-back manner.

I was speechless when I heard him say it. Well, of course I couldn't say anything back...because he said nothing of that kind. This conversation took place in my head.

All he said was that he likes this blog and totally loved the Attack of the Killer Hand video that I shot. *thanks*

p/s: Christina is on my right busy working on a presentation. Karr Wei is out having dinner with people she doesn't even like...most probably Martin.

Salam 1 Malaysia

Saya kini berada di tingkat 3A bersama rakan-rakan saya, Karr Wei dan Christina. Ini adalah percubaan kali pertama bagi saya untuk menaip blog ini dalam Bahasa Malaysia.

Di zaman persekolahan dahulu, saya agak fasih bertutur dan menulis di dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Saya juga merupakan salah seorang pelajar bukan Melayu yang sangat cemerlang di dalam mata pelajaran ini. Saya selalu mendapat markah tertinggi dalam mata pelajaran ini dan rakan-rakan sekelas saya memang cemburu akan pencapaian saya. Ada juga rakan-rakan saya yang berbangsa Melayu yang pernah mememberitahu saya bahawa mereka kagum dengan cara saya bertutur dan menulis dalam bahasa kebangsaan ini.

Namun begitu, setelah saya meninggalkan sekolah menengah dan menyambung pelajaran tinggi di kolej swasta, saya kurang menggunakan Bahasa Malaysia dengan kawan-kawan saya, maka saya pun menjadi kurang terrer dalam BM.

Kini, saya bertekad untuk menulis lebih banyak warkah dan rencana menggunakan Bahasa Malaysia supaya saya tidak lupa akan bahasa ini.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Yang benar,
Saya lah..siapa lagi.

Back by popular demand

Hello. I'm back. Martin is on my right and he's complaining about how Karr Wei and Christina are supporting me in my attempt to revive this blog.

Like I've mentioned many times...Martin is a sad guy who needs attention.

"Why is our picture on Pix for Caption?" screams Karr Wei. "Priya Menon!" says Xin Yi. They're talking about some money thingy...I don't know what it's about.

"Yeay...I'm happy for you guys. Now everyone knows you have money," says Christina.

Martin is still on my right..hasn't moved an inch since I saw him two minutes ago. Oh, he just flipped the paper, trying to look as if he's reading something interesting. Yeah right.

Christina is furiously typing an article about giving up nasi ayam or something. I'll read it when it's published.

3A is pretty busy today. Everybody is here and they're all doing something...I'm not sure if its all work related though.

Martin moved. Big achievement. He's scrolling the page..ooh..its FB...and he's now reading the paper again.

Xin Yi is waaaaay over to my left. She's scratching her chin right now. I told her that she looks pretty enough to play the second wife character in a Chinese drama. She said she'll give acting a try if she doesn't succeed as a journalist.

Okay, I gotta go finish my work. Three things you should know about Martin...like now.

What did you have for lunch?: He's thinking...and says "I can't remember. Some vegetarian stuff."

What's your favourite number?: 3 ("That's all he can count to," explains Yoga)

When did you last go to the toilet?: When are you going to Sarawak. Is there any way you can catch an earlier flight?...Hmmmm, Martin is no fun.

"I don't know which is sadder..this blog or the fact that Karr Wei walked all the way here to check it out," says Martin to Yoga. He's jealous.

Bye all.

My first movie!

You so totally have to watch this 'movie' that I directed. It's totally the next Avatar!

Thank you to Ian, Mel and Sean who agreed to be featured in my maiden movie. I'll so mention you guys in my thank you speech when I win an award for this excellent work.

p/s: Sean did the whole editing and whatever nonsense you have to do to videos before uploading them thingy. Thanks!

p/s2: I may re-release this movie in 3D!

How I got a headache...

So I was just sitting there looking pretty when Mel said, "Hey look what I found!" and held a pair of vintage 3D glasses. Okay, maybe not vintage but just plain old.

She asked me if I wanted it and I said no (or maybe she didn't ask me at all...) and offered it to Ian instead. He went, "I can use it for my 3D iPhone application!"


So he tried it on and it kinda worked. Of course I sibuk'ed and asked him if I could try it too, and he let me.

I put on the 3D glasses and played the game (fly a jet through posts or something like that la..nothing fancy) and it was magical.

Two minutes later, I took off the glasses and saw red and blue spots all over. I thought I was going to die!!!!

The darn 3D glasses gave me a headache for the rest of the day and I swear it still hurts until now. True story.

Back to square one

We're back in 3A...like for real. After moving down to lobby, then packing our stuff up to 7th floor, we've returned to where we started from.

(We're not situated at the exact location where we were three years ago, though).

One major thing on our minds after hearing about the move was: "Where the hell are we going to put all of our stuff?"

In Ivy's words, "We moved from a mansion into an apartment and now finally we're moving into a room," - so we had to find ways to stuff our crap in the limited space we have here.

Miraculously, we found comfortable spots for our sofa, table, stuff from horror room, and more crap that we collected in that one year or so we were upstairs. We also had a potted plant, but somehow, Ivy managed to 'secret' it's disappearance.

The new 'home' feels...ermm, cold. Literally speaking. I mean, a dead body could be lying somewhere here and we wouldn't find out, because it'll be kept chill like forever, you know...like cold cuts.

Anyway, one good thing that came out of the move is that I've managed to reduce my big stash of crap to a small stash of crap.




It was kind of painful to throw away unwanted notebooks (into the recycling bin!) but I gots to do what I gots to do...and I'm finally home at my workstation - crap and all.

Ian is behind me now, working on something. Can't see what he's doing. Mel sits on my left and Nasa behind her.