People read my blog ...

Like real people ... not the kind of "real" people I imagine about and have conversations with now and then.

Can you believe that Kenneth actually introduced The Sudden Blog to Karyn ... who's never been featured on this blog until now (I think).

Anyway, there they (as in Karyn and Angelin) were standing near Kenneth's place and reading my blog ... I almost cried but I didn't. They were talking about how I should turn this blog into a book and I was like ...

Hello ... someone had already offered to do that ages ago!

(ps: I declined the offer because I don't think I'm ready to become the next J.K Rowling and besides, I don't think I should do anything strenuous - like typing - since my shoulder hurts like hell.)

The reason why they were even talking about me becoming a published author is because I was telling them about my plan to write a story about a young witch called Parry Hotter ... and Karyn burst out laughing saying that it sounded like a promo for Nandos. Like seriously?

And then I told her about my other ideas (for TV) ...

The Running Alive (as inspired by The Walking Dead)
Synopsis: A doctor wakes up from a coma in a sheriff's office only to face the fact that he's a zombie in a normal world full of normal humans. How does he survive?

Found (as inspired by Lost)
Synopsis: A ship full of passengers gets wrecked and the people on board find themselves waking up on top of a mountain after the incident. How will they get back to the island where they belong?



Oh ... He Who Must Not Be Named Is Here and said "See, Kenneth is already making other friends and he doesn't need us anymore."

You cannot say anything. I need to focus on what I'm blogging about right now. Otherwise, I have to type out what you're saying.

"Do you mind if I say on Facebook, half the time I do not know what you're doing..." said He Who Must Not Be Named.

Then he proceeded to say some other things and I just went What?

Good, I made you lose your concentration, he said before leaving.
 

Meet the new guy (He Who Must Not Be Named ... so that's what he was pointing at)

"I'm back," he said.

"I want undivided attention."

"If you do not know the meaning of undivided attention..."

I'm thinking of a name for you on my blog. What would you like?

"I  don't know ... you give it to me lah."

"Is that the concept of your blog? Do you use everyone's real name on it?" Yes.

He's pointing his finger at me now. Oh, apparently it's my turn to speak.

This is the awesomest and weirdest entry I've made so far. Usually, people get annoyed when I type out everything that they say. But this guy ...(*) He Who Must Not Be Named ... yet (he actually gave a thumbs up for that) and now he's just staring at the screen.

I don't know what to do. This has never happened before.

"Please finish your thought. You have not finished this part," he said ... pointing at (*)

"I want you to take out 'lah' because I don't want people to know I'm a Malaysian."

"If you take my words verbatim, they would know that it's me. No one here can talk the way that I do."

"Please excuse me, I  need to go and change (something) personality before I can come back here."

That was fast. He's back.

And he's leaning against my chair.

"I said 'Change my personality ... not change my underwear!'" said He Who Must Not Be Named.

Oh my god... he is actually dictating what I should type. And is pointing at some words ... he doesn't know how this works.

Please read my blog.

"I'm trying to make you a more awesome blog writer," he said with his arms crossed.

He also said: "He is also cursing under his breath."

Dude, this is not how this blog works. You have to read the previous entries.

"Don't make a rule and expect everyone to play along with it."

Oh, apparently I was wrong. He said "I said, 'Don't make YOUR rule and expect everyone to play along with it'."

I'm getting tired. This has to be the longest entry I've ever made.

One thing's for sure .... he ain't no pushover like Kenneth.

"Damn straight!" said He Who Must Not Be Named.

And he's still here ....

One of the sex offenders

I wanna have a post about the cute guy on Metro's cover today. I need your input.

"What Metro ... oh my god," said Jastin.

Don't you think he's good looking?

"Nope. Told you already ... he looks like one of the sex offenders on Law & Order: SVU."

You're just jealous.

"No I'm not. Do you want me to give the season and the episode?"

"Okay, I have to go for my last meeting with Metro. Are we going for tea later?"

Just another day at the office

So what are you going to blog about?

"There's a lot about Jastin ..." said Kenneth, who is finally reading my blog. OMG, I swear .. he is so lambat cerita.

Anyway, Jastin is on my right. He is eating two sweets at the same time. I told him that he's going to choke on them and

"Sharm, everybody does this okay. I do it all the time. There's nothing wrong with it," said Jastin ... stopping me from completing the previous sentence.

I was going to say that he's going to choke and nobody will be around to do the Heimlich manouver

How do you spell manouver?

"I'm not sure ... use the spellcheck, Sharm."

Where is the spellcheck?

"I'm not very sure."

Kenneth is on my left.

Do you have any questions for Kenneth?

Things you need to know about Kenneth.

Did you have your lunch? Haven't.

How many times did  you go to the toilet today? Once

What are you going to have for lunch? I don't think I'm going to have lunch today

OMG, Kenneth is looking at me as I'm typing this. And so is Jastin. Don't they know that they're not supposed to look at my screen as I type? Kenneth is still staring. And laughing. And still staring ...

"Okay, okay, okay ... hey ... fine, I've got work to do okay," said Kenneth as he moved away and is now writing something on a piece of paper.

"I think I have to go as well. I have to go for the meeting....my last meeting at the Metro... I think," said Jastin.

Okay, but he's still here. Not moving. He's looking at the screen.

I think I'm going to edit it.

Don't have to edit it. Then it won't be the Sudden Blog right, Sharm?

They are so lame ...

"I'm just going to leave it open here," said Kenneth.

"I know you feel used."

"Don't forget about the belt thing," said Angelin.

"She's blogging now actually," said Kenneth.

Goodbye Kenneth

I walked into the office today and realised that something felt different ... Kenneth was not where he was supposed to be. Instead, he was sitting a few rows away ... somewhere far where I'm unable to bully ... I mean, interact with him.

How is this possible? How am I going to get through the day without making Kenneth feel bad about himself at least once? Who am I going to terrorise and make fun of now?

"Kenneth."

"Yeah ... yes?"

"Why are you not sitting next to me anymore?"

"Because I'm not doing the TV page anymore."

"Are you going to miss me?"

"Of course ... I'm missing you already."

"What would you miss the most about sitting next to me?"

"It's got to be borrowing your charger."

Okay, to tell the truth ... that iPhone charger belongs to Kenneth. But I've been using it so much that I make him ask for my permission before he gets to use his own frigging charger. And he does ... ask for my permission to use it ... and not only that, I've been letting Daryl borrow that charger as well. Even Daryl thinks it's mine.

"So how are we going to settle this charger problem?"

Kenneth just stood up. He's here (on my left) for a while, to use the computer to send someone a message. He walked off ... not because he's unable to answer the simple question but because someone called him.

I'm all alone now. No human interaction.

My first lawsuit

Jastin is here. Asking about the previous blog post.

"How many views do you have?"

"No, not that one. Say about the legal action one. Eh, now I'm like your editor ... telling you what to write."

He's still here ... hand on his hip ... wide hip ...

"Wanna go chill?"

"Karr Wei is there."

"Let's go."

"Eh, don't post lah."

Conversation with Jastin

"Jaime Lannister slept with his sister and you cannot let him get away with that," said Jastin.

Okay, I'm not saying that whatever Jaime did is right ... but dude, let's move on from that. It happens everywhere.

"Yeah, it happens in Kelantan. How come you're not letting them get away with that? How come you don't say we should move on when someone does it over there? It's because they're not as good looking as Jaime Lannister, right?"

"You're a journalist. What's the main thing you need to remember in journalism when reporting a story? Accountability. Everyone needs to be accountable for their actions. Jaime has to be accountable for his actions."

"How come you're not letting N**** get away with anything? It's because he's not good looking right? Because he's balding."

"If someone stepped on a cockroach and Jaime Lannister dying was next to it, I would save the cockroach. That's how much I don't like Jaime."

You're just jealous because he's good looking. And besides, he's just living up to his street cred.

"No, I'm not jealous that he's good looking. And what street cred? He fathered ... how many? Three or four children with his twin sister. That is not right."

"And he stabbed the king in the back. He didn't even have the courage to kill him face to face like a man."

Well there's a reason as to why he killed the king.

"I don't give a damn as to why he killed the king." 

"Don't let anyone get away with anything just because they're good looking."

At the office

"Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed." - C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew


I'm still at the office. It's 9.23pm ... and no, I'm not here because I have work to do. I'm just too lazy to drive home. Yeah, big surprise there.

Kenneth is next to me. He's planning to take the 11pm ride home ...

"Do you think that I should take the risk and go back at 10?" Kenneth just asked.

Well, here's the story. There's this crazy lady who uses the office transportation thingy (like Kenneth) at 10pm every work night and Kenneth tries to avoid her because according to him, she's mentally unstable.

He told me once that she tried to kick him out of the van while screaming like a mad woman, going "This is Sparta!" and the van driver had to stop the vehicle by a busy road, pull her by her hair and slap her a few times before she would calm down.

And that woman didn't even apologise to Kenneth for terrorising him and making him spill his fancy ass Jasmine tea all over his RM50 Romp hoodie when she kicked him around like a rag doll.

Okay, that didn't happen. I made that story up. But the woman does exist and I'm not sure about her mental status.

Anyway, Kenneth is on my left and he's doing something ... most probably nothing related to work.

The office is cold ... it feels like the North Pole here. I've never been to the North Pole (otherwise, I would've definitely blogged about the cannibalistic eskimos) but I have a feeling that this is how cold it would be over there.

Here at work ...

Kenneth is talking to Angelin. It's very annoying.

"Okay," said Kenneth.

"Is that it?" asked Angelin.

"What you can always do is compare it to the day before ...," said Kenneth.


I don't know what is it that they're talking about but it's sounds so boring. Ee Loo just walked past me. She's carrying a brown handbag.

Kenneth is back talking to Angelin. He's drinking something. Wait, let me ask him what is it he's drinking.

"Kenneth, what are you drinking?"

"Why? You want?"

What? I just wanna know. Please lah ... it's most probably some nonsense drink like Jasmine Tea with fancy ass petals or something like that.

"S****, you tak nak pergi kencing ke?" Angelin just sibuk and asked.

Actually she's right. I really need to pee right now. Gotta go.

Oh wait ...

I haven't told you the real reason why I updated this blog.

Remember how Jastin threatened to go all postal and kill innocent lives simply because I haven't been blogging? Well, that's not the reason.

I mean seriously, do I look as if I care if one of you die just because I don't blog? Get real people.

The actual reason is, I'm just too lazy to handle all the drama that would eventually come if Jastin carries out his threat.

I really have no time to go to a police station, give statements, deal with stupid and difficult people, answer questions, describe stuff and do all the other tedious things that come with being the reason behind a mass murder.

I have books to read and TV shows to watch. I really have no time for all that crap.

Okay .. so where was I?

Yeah, something about Jastin threatening to kill some people if I didn't update this god forsaken blog today ... or something like that right?

Actually, to be perfectly honest, the reason why I have not been updating this blog is simply because I don't give a fuck about it anymore.

I mean, do cool people even blog nowadays? I don't think so.

But Jastin, god ... can that Fei Chai be persuasive or what? Every time I see him (and it's quite often unfortunately), he's asking me about this blog.

And today, when Shaun Ho showed up, Jastin even went as far as to interview him for me ... for that special section that I have where I feature non-interesting people.

"Eh, I'm like your new contributor, right?" asked Jastin. Uh uh ... whatever you say.

Anyway, here are some of the things you should know about Shaun.

What he had for lunch: Carl's Junior.

His favourite colour: Orange (OMG, that's like so weird. Who the hell likes orange?)

How many times he peed today: Zero. (Me: What? You mean you didn't pee at all today? Shaun: No.)

Random quote : Err.. (I told you he's not that interesting, right?)

Fine ... I'll blog.

"If you don't update your blog ... I'm going to fucking kill someone in this office!"

That's what Jastin said to me earlier, so here I am ... updating this stupid blog after taking like 75 minutes trying to remember the password.

Yeah, I know that I could've reset the password and get them to send the new password or whatever to my login email.

The problem is that I don't remember the password to that email as well. Yeah, I know. I'm an idiot ... sue me.

Well, I managed to log in to this account in the end right?

"Sharm, can you clear the sidebars?" Ian just asked me.

Sorry, gotta go.